During my Scripture time yesterday, I read a beautiful story of Hannah, a woman whose pain, longing, and frustration resonate with me so much. Here’s a snippet of her powerful story:
Hannah prayed year after year after year for children. She was often consumed with thoughts of infertility, so distraught that she could not eat. In her bitterness she prayed to the Lord, weeping copiously, and she made a vow, promising, “O Lord of hosts, if you look with pity on the misery of your handmaid, if you remember me and do not forget me, if you give your handmaid a male child, I will give him to the Lord for as long as he lives.” She was an unhappy woman, her prayer was prompted by her deep sorrow and misery yet she chose to pour out her troubles to the Lord. The Lord answered her prayer. When her husband had relations with her, the Lord remembered her. She conceived, and at the end of her term bore a son, whom she called Samuel, since she had asked the Lord for him. (Read her full story in 1 Samuel 1:1-28)
Her mourning turned into worship which you can read in 1 Samuel 2:1-10. Why am I so emotional while reading her story? Here’s why:
“When are you planning to get pregnant?” I can’t count how many times I’ve been asked this question and almost every time I speak with my mom over the phone, she would ask, “When can we have our apo (granddaughter/grandson)?”
There are certain people in my life whose opening question every time they talk to me is this, “Are you not pregnant yet?” It didn’t help that it seems like everyone around me is getting pregnant so easily and oftentimes my Facebook newsfeed gets flooded with “Welcome to the world baby” posts.
The truth is, the thought of being a loving mother excites me so much and gives me longing so immense that it hurts. Even when I was single, I'd imagined myself being a mom, holding a baby in my arms and treasuring every wonderful moment of motherhood. Every time I see my husband looking lovingly at a baby or goofing around with a child, my longing to carry one (or two) in my womb intensifies to where I think my heart will shatter into pieces.
Since our car accident last October, I missed my period for 3 months. My husband was so relieved that there were less times where my emotions were on a roller coaster. Due to missing my period, I thought, "This is it!" Prior to that, God gave me a Bible verse about a promise of a child. I flipped the pages of my journal from 3 years ago and found in one of the pages a love letter from God which says, "I know how much your heart desires to be a mom. It will happen in my perfect time." So I thought the perfect time was now.
I pulled out my pregnancy result with abated breath. “This must be it!” My heart quivered as I felt this was the time, it must be positive! But something really weird happened this time. In the past, tears would pour forth in buckets and I would question God when the result was negative from each of the many negative results. But this time, my eyes were perfectly dry. My heart didn’t even sink at the result in front of me. The test wasn’t positive, but this time I knew it isn’t God’s perfect time. It was as if he already prepared my heart. My heart was at peace, knowing that my Heavenly Father holds my tomorrow and that His loving heart desires nothing but the best for me.
I was reminded once again that God is a promise-keeper. His words never return to Him void. In my January 8, 2018 journal entry, God gave me this verse: “For just as from the heavens the rain and snow come down and do not return till they have watered the earth, making it fertile and fruitful, giving seed to him who sows and bread to him who eats, so shall My word be that goes forth from my mouth; it shall not return to me void, but shall do My will, achieving the end for which I sent it.” Reading further back, I found this verse from my December 31, 2017 prayer journal entry, “The Lord took note of Sarah as He had said He would, He did for her as He had promised. Sarah became pregnant and bore Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time that God had stated.” (Genesis 21:1-2)
What a refreshing and an uplifting assurance from God that He knows and even feels my pain, and that He also knows what is best! I remembered what Fr. Jeremy told me during my pre-Christmas confession. I was pouring out my heart to him about how life's struggles are weighing me down due to our shocking car accident (which is another blog entry I still have to finish). He told me, "Your sufferings is an invitation from God to conform your heart to the suffering heart of Jesus." How profound!
When we think about it, there is so much beauty in not getting what we want at a time we want it the most. Hang on, stay with me. I know this is so contrary to the way that the world thinks. But ponder on it; when we don’t get what we want in our own terms, it makes us more humble, less entitled, more patient, more hardworking and even much more grateful for the little blessings in our lives. It makes us realize that nothing worth having ever comes easy and that good things truly take time, effort, and above all, God's grace.
Our attempts to rush God's timing can spoil the beauty of His plan for our lives. If we allow impatience to govern us, we will miss the gift of the moment.
If you are like me who's waiting for a miracle in your life or waiting for a dream come true; whether it's your dream career, a home, growth in your business (or starting one), finding your one true love, healing - whatever it is that you're praying for, know that you are never outside God's care. He hasn't forgotten about you. He is thinking about you every second, every minute of every day. God created you for a beautiful purpose. Your dreams are nothing compared to the vastness and beauty of His will for your life.
Some dreams do not happen at a time we desire no matter how fervently we pray and the many tears we shed because God's timeline is still the ultimate timeline. His plan is the best! A dream come true is both a blessing and a responsibility. God is a loving God and He wants to prepare us first; He won't give us something we can't handle.
God is a loving God. He always answers our prayers. It’s just that most of the time, we can’t understand His answers; our finite, human mind cannot fathom His wisdom. So relax, surrender everything to your Heavenly Father and learn to be joyful as you wait.
Let me end with this verse which always consoles me when I am confused:
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the Lord. As high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are My ways above your ways and My thoughts above your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:8-9
© Elly Roberts
Are you also struggling while waiting for God's promises to come true in your life? Let's journey together! Leave a comment below:
Elly Roberts is an author, speaker, and a self-taught painter. She uses her God-given gifts to serve God and His people. Her dream to walk down the aisle pure towards the man God has prepared for her became a reality in April 21, 2016. With her firsthand experiences on heartbreaks, she has counseled many women on mending a broken heart and finding genuine love. Her adversities in life serve as her fuel in writing articles which she hope and pray will help many see the miracles in the ordinary by God's grace.
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