Please take some time to target practice. Your aim sucks!”
That was my letter to cupid every lonely 14th of February. I was impatient. I’d read a lot of romantic novels, watched chick flicks on the big screen, and witnessed some romantic movie-like love stories of my friends. I kept on asking myself, “When will my love story start to unfold?” “Where is my prince charming?”
My friends used to tease me that maybe the love of my life was just stuck in traffic and couldn’t find his way to me. Each time I see couples holding hands happily, I would mutter, “Where is he Lord whose hands perfectly fit mine?” I silently wished my knight in shining armour would suddenly appear in front of me and wham I would have my own happily ever-after!
My longing for romance wasn’t rooted from being tired of kissing a lot of frogs before finding the prince though. I was restricted from having a boyfriend until I finished college. I was just a sucker of love stories and being exposed to a lot of romantic fantasies made my heart burn for real romance. Although I wasn’t a member of NBSB (No Boyfriend Since Birth) club, my past relationships were too far from the kind of “real love” that I longed for.
I sought love in the wrong places only to find out that I would get nothing but indecent proposals. Although I was longing for romance, I was still in my right mind to say no to one-night stands.
I started asking disturbing questions like, “Am I not pretty enough?” “Will someone ever love me?” These questions are dangerous as it stems down to lack of self-worth. I believe this is the very reason why I’ve written Worth the Chase (Finding Love God’s Way) now because I understand how it feels to question one’s worth.
My first major heartbreak made me put walls around me that it was so hard for a man to even get to know me. I was so afraid to fall in love again so I distanced myself from all potential lovers. Friends often told me sometimes I was being too harsh on men.
As I started to get to know God more, slowly, I opened myself again to the possibility of finding love. I met a man in the community where I belong. He was everything I dreamt of. I got hooked knowing he is a man of God. He invited me out a couple of times, doing things which made me fall for him more but there was a problem. I was falling into a pit of an unlabeled relationship. He made me feel so special yes, but I didn’t know where I stood in his life. In the midst of discerning if he really loved me though there were no words uttered, he was gone like a fart, silent but violent (haha). He left me hanging. My heart felt like being stamped on the ground. It was thrice as painful as the first one as there were lots of questions left unanswered. Just when I opened my heart again, it was left wounded and bleeding. It was so hard for me to move on.
My past heartaches were blessings in disguise. The pain taught me to cling onto God more. I started to write love letters to my future husband. I attended conferences on finding pure love. The desire in my heart to write a book for women was born. I wanted women to know that having a boyfriend does not define one’s beauty. That every woman is worth being pursued God’s way. That we are perfectly and infinitely loved by a perfect God.
I kept my heart hidden in God. The heartaches made me believe that God won’t make me single a day longer than He planned. I surrendered my fears of being alone to Him. I allowed God to take control of my love life. I knew that He would one day grant one of my greatest dreams of walking down the aisle pure. I knew He knows my desire of becoming a wife and a mom.
I knew in my heart I am not just meant to be a bridesmaid and maid of honor, I am meant to be a bride. And in God's perfect time, it happened. :)
Elly Roberts is an author, speaker, and artist. She uses her God-given gifts to serve God and His people. Having experienced so much suffering from childhood, she dreams of building a foundation for abandoned kids. She has counseled many women on mending a broken heart and finding love. Her writing style is very personal, honest, humble, and inspiring.
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