How To Melt the Heart of a Grumpy Spouse

If we care to admit, we often fall into the category of the one who is pouting. But what is it that makes us pout? Is it that we feel we have had our pride trodden on with the high heels of the wife or the leather boots of the husband? Or is it that we are a brooder and really expect our loved one to come to us to show that they care by asking us why our lip is almost hanging on the floor? But seriously we shouldn't pout or brood. 
 
Sacred scripture actually says we are to forgive the other person quickly as soon as a quarrel starts (Colossians 3:13). Then St Paul says "The Lord has forgiven you; now you must do the same." There's so much wisdom in that, because when we pout and we leave the other person hanging even on the edge of cliff so to speak, the quarrel could escalate even from something small to something tsunami-like. Thus we are called not only to humbly forgive each other, but to remember that the Lord has forgiven us and He will give us the grace to forgive.
 
Being a newly-wed, which is such a wonderful gift of the Lord, it has sure been a massive learning curve. There has been a lot to learn about my spouse as well as myself. Moreover there is even a lot more to learn, a life-time's worth. 
 
Men, I have learnt that there is one special time of month that a woman pouts and is even grumpy or worse. While I would love to run and hide, it's not always so easy to do so. It can be very hard, because it's also a time that my wife really needs me. But why do I want to run away? Because it's like I have a target on my head, the pouting can turn into grumpiness and even my spouse's pent up grief or a litany of disappointments or disputes can come gushing forth in one swift deluge almost drowning me. Other times its my wife who may take shot at that target with a torrent of negativity and pointing out my failures. It's also a time when my lovely wife can tend to totally misinterpret what I said or intended by reading between the lines, over the lines, under the lines and even where there are no lines.
 
This is the struggle many men face from their wives during that special time of the month. My wife calls it her "monthly friend". I'm not being cruel to my wife because I love her very much! It's an issue that we need to be real about. It's a big struggle for the women in our lives as well as for us men. I even had a friend who said during this time she can hate people, even hating God. What a cross to bare!
 
Recently my wife and I were discussing Ephesians 5:21-33 where men are called to love their wives and wives to submit to their husbands. I replied, that wives shouldn't fight their husbands but should submit. I can hear a chorus of dissent from many women. But if husbands really loved as St Paul calls then they would listen to their wives suggestions. This doesn't mean that they should always agree. Both parties should also be open to compromise. Self-less love is thinking of the other person first. 
 
I also said to Elly that in loving one's wife they should go and get them fries even when they THINK they are pregnant. This caused her to burst out laughing. It brought us back to the time when we bought the largest fries at McDonalds because she had cravings. So men, cravings does not always mean that the woman is pregnant.
 
I asked Elly, "What about, 'Husbands love your wives even when the most unwelcome guest arrives every month and her mood swings like a ship tossed on the sea, unless she is pregnant.'?" Maybe a pendulum would be a better analogy, lol. Then I said, "Husbands love your wives even if her shoulder becomes like the Antarctic and her lips pout like a grumpy chimpanzee."

​I also interpreted St Paul as saying men love your wives and make the cranky woman holy. All of my comments resulted in howls of laughter.
 
I know both men and women can be cranky but when the monthly friend comes its 'often' a cranky monthly friend. I'm not a morning person so that's when I can be cranky, especially if my sleep is disturbed.
 
I have a great remedy for Elly's pouting. I threaten to kiss her pouting lips because they are so beautiful!
 
To the single men reading this post, don't be afraid of falling in love. My wife said she would be my cross when we got married. But she is a joyful cross, because she has brought to my life joy, continues to help me draw closer to God daily. Like St Paul says, she leads to me to holiness more and more.

Brendan Roberts is an author of 6 books, speaker, missionary, and lay theologian. He shares his deep knowledge of the faith as well as his many experiences in life, including traveling the world in answer to God's call to share the Gospel. His writing style is down to earth, full of witty humor while  bringing alive faith, everyday experiences, and Theology. 

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